Hey everybody, this is Sonia Castles SAM MATZKE comin’ at ya with a brand spankin’ new edition of Girl Gamer Of The Month! Due to Sonia being terminally ill, I felt it was only right for me to step up to the plate this month and hijack this the only way I can: poorly, and with disappointing results. I was lucky enough to snag an INCREDIBLY REAL and VALID interview with NON-FICTIONAL video game character Mama, from the “Cooking Mama” series! I found her in my kitchen, who would’ve guessed.
Sam: Hello Mama, how are you today?
Mama: Guuulaiiit! Cooking Mama!
Sam: Just out of curiosity, how broken is your English?
Mama: So good! You gave it yewer bess effert!
Sam: Soooooooooooo…what is your favorite video game?
Mama: Cooking Mama! 2! Dinna wis fliends!
Sam: Ahh, of course, one of your own games. Didn’t think that, you know, you might pick something different.
Mama: Donworry, Mama will fix zis!
Sam: No, Mama, it’s…it’s fine, really.
Mama: Try again!
Sam: I said it’s fine…
Mama: TRY AGAIN!
Sam: OH JESUS YOUR EYES ARE ON FIRE, HOLY…
Mama: Cut it!
Sam: Cut what? Look Mama, I’m sorry if I’ve pissed you off or…
Mama: CUT IT!
Sam: NO MAMAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT MY THROAT
Mama: Perfek! Even betta than Mama!
Sam: YOU CRAZY BITCH, GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN. This is the WORST INTERVIEW. EVER.
Mama: Ooaahoo, a new leckad!
Sam: Yep, a new record alright. Crazy woman, get outta here.
Well, I quit. No more Girl Gamer Of The Month for Smartzke. I gotta go to the hospital.